Coke Induced Madness to the Second Power
by mika zero-zero twenty-one
Summary: Chapter Seven: OMG, IT'S UPDATED. And as Freud put it: it's when you say one thing, but you MEAN your mother. It doesn't make sense, and Ra should update too. Flames are loved just like I love...yep. You can fill in the blank. :D
1. introduction level: hardly anything

THIS IS WHAT YOU ALL HAVE BEEN WAITINNG FOR! Coke Induced Madness has been deleted, but here's my back-up plan!

Coke Induced Madness to the SECOND POWER is what you all want! no longer allows chat/script format, so we're reverting to regular story format! Bear with me to see just how crazy Coke can make you! How much fun is that, everyone? But sadly, Mika STILL does not own Cyborg 009 or the song Stacy's Mom.

But fortunately, she re-did the lyrics for everyone to match my crazy madness.

Sadie: now how does that make sense...?

-&-&-&-&-

(oh dear, now how to this)

002 walked up to 003 and said, "Like, oh my gosh, like, 003! Like, where did you, like, get your, like, hair, like done?"

003 stepped away from 002 because he was being a freaky moron, but that wasn't much different from usual.

-&-&-&-

Sapphire was sitting there, minding her own business, as usual. Suddenly...

"I lost my detachable penis..." She heard 002 singing. She stood up and walked to where he was singing.

"YOU DAMNED PERVERT!" She yelled in his year. Sapphire drew her fist back and punched 002 smack dab in the middle of his nose.

"Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off AGAIN!" 002 shouted.

-&-&-&-

Think of C2 as the "favorite stories" feature on steriods.

It is HILARIOUS! What? Not funny?

Think of C2 as the "favorite stories" feature on steriods.

It is very funny! :laughs and kills herself:

-&-&-&-

Sadie was at Mika's house once again (well, when isn't she?) when...

"MIKA!"

"ROSE!"

"JENNA!"

"ANGELICA!"

"JULIA!"

"JULIA!"

"JESSICA!"

"FLORENCE!"

"ALVINA!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP!"

-&-&-&-

Mika was on the phone with Rose, like she was every night. Bakura popped into her room, though, all of a sudden.

"Mika! I found this magical music maker!" He exclaimed.

"You dork! That's a flute!" Mika replied.

"Mika! I found a magical money maker!" Haru said in a normal monotone voice.

"OMG! ROSE, I'LL BE BACK! GIMME THAT THING!"

-&-&-&-

"Ojamajo Carnival! The world's coolest song that I have searched forever for!" Mika proclaimed. "Now I shall name thee Genesis of Next!"

-&-&-&-

"Pepsi One!" 002 screamed.

"COKE!" Mika shouted back.

"DIET COKE!"

"COKE!"

"PEPSI!"

"DORK!"

"DIET PEPSI!"

:belching sounds are heard:

-&-&-&-&-

I pray you all enjoyed this blast of Cokiness. There will be more! I swear there will be!


	2. THE RETURN OF SAILOR JET AND ATOMIC JETT...

WHOOT! GET READY FO IT!

-

Poor Mika. She was sitting at home with nothing to do. And then a wonderful thought popped into her head! She picked up her pear tree of DOOM! that she'd gotten for Christmas and headed out to **HOME NEUTER** 002!

But then…

"I shee zat zee patient has shnapped for certain ziss time," 004 said in a really exaggerated accent. "And Sadie, since when did you drive?"

"Well, since whenever I wanted to, Germy-boy." Sadie said happily, drinking Coke out of a bottle. "You losers. Haven't you been to Mika's Coke Induced Asylum of NO FUCKING RETURN lately?"

002 entered. Mika stood up and swatted him with her pear tree. "YOU! I CALLED YOU LAST NIGHT, YOU IDIOT! ANZU TRIED TO BRING BE BACK INSIDE FROM THE POOL BECAUSE I WAS SETTING UP MY OWN SETI INSITUTE!"

And that pretty much freaked everyone out.

Then…

BLACK GHOST WALKED IN!

"Shit, shit. Mikavitch, vee have sheveral sings to talk about today." Black Ghost said, putting on one of those little pairs of glasses and taking out a clipboard.

"WHAT is with the German accents today?" Mika asked, twitching now and trying no to neuter 002 with her **BARNES AND NOBLE MALE EMPLOYEE NEUTERING BUTTER KNIFE OF DOOM! **and Black Ghost watching her.

"Has she made any progessh?" Black Ghost asked.

"Dude, cut the fucking German. I can always call…" Sadie said, holing up the box of DOOM!.

Black Ghost squeaked. "Okay! Okay! Just don't send me into that crazy place again!"

"I just saved fifteen percent or more on my car insurance thanks to GEICO and 007, KEEP YOUR FUCKING MOUTH SHUT!" Mika shouted, running around the room with her hair down from its braids.

"Well, Mika, let's see your improvements since last session." Black Ghost said, taking out a bubble pipe and smoking it. Mika took out her **GALLON JUG** of Coke and began to drink. Then she pulled out a huge picture of Alexander Hamilton!

"What does your Social Studies class have to do with that bastard?" 002 asked. Sadie grabbed the hammer of DOOM! and hit a home run with 002, scoring fifty points. ((readers: o-kay then…O.O…))

"You don't see?" Mika said, jumping around in her chair. "THE DEAD GUYS FROM THE START OF AMERICA ARE GONNA COME BACK AND PIE US! AND THEN THEY'LL TRY TO TAKE ENZYTE! THE **NATURAL** WAY TO MALE ENHANCEMENT! "

…And she pointed to her Alexander Hamilton head stuck on a wobbly stick figure taking a BIG ASS pie out of the oven. Mika was sitting on his back, ready to whack him with her frying pan of DOOM, and Thomas Jefferson was trying to French George Washington, Patric Henery was having anal sex with John Smilie, and we won't go into the rest…for your sanity…

"I'm sorry to say that Mika has finally had too much stress, far too much Coke, three times as much jazz as you should have in a month, and she saved more than I did on my car insurance! Damn you!" Black Ghost pouted.

"That's how TONY got his **THIRD LEG**!" Mika screamed, drinking more Coke.

"Yay! Now I can have a third leg and then all the chicks will come after me!" 002 exclaimed, prancing like a ballerina. Mika grabbed her LEAD BRICK OF DOOM! and hit 002 in the nose with it.

"Fork over the doe, Anzu. I told you Mika saved more with GEICO!" Bakura exclaimed. Anzu unfolded five hundred-dollar bills from her pocket and gave them to 009, who handed them to the UPS man, who then gave 009 a BIG HUGE WHITE ROOM AND STRAIGHT JACKET!

"Now, now, Mika, this is for your own good!" 003 ((PLEASE SEE THE CYBORG CHILDREN IF YOU EXPECT TO GE THIS NEXT PART. IT IS **NOT **THE FEMALE 009-STEALING 003!)) exclaimed, trying to wrestle Mika into the straight jacket. And just as he had it…

"Stop right there, galactic fiend! I, **ATOMIC JETTY**, have come to save the poor damsel in distress from you!"

"In the name of all things cute and pink, I, **SAILOR JET, **will save the PRINCESS JOE!"

"009'S A FEMALE!"

"Thank you for noticing finally."

And there were two 009s! One was wearing all pink and the other was wearing the costume of **TUXEDO JOE**!

"Stop right there, Black Ghost! We, the PRETTY DUO of SAILOR JET and TUXEDO JOE have come to stop youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" Tuxedo Joe shouted as the girl 009 smashed a grammar book in his face.

"It's about time you all showed up! I've wanted you here since I created you!"

-

The next morning, Atomic Jetty was flying around on a Vespa, Mika was flying after it on a Coke-powered hoverboard, Sadie was chasing them on the frying pan of DOOM, and everyone else was inside betting on which of the two Coke-high girls was going to NEUTER 002 first.

"Mika."

"Sadie."

"Mika."

"Mika.

"Sadie."

"Ra."

"Sadie."

"Sadie."

"Sadie."

"Mika."

"Mika."

"Mika.

"OMIGOD, IT'S BLACK GHOST!"

And there was Mika, getting Coke into 002's veins through intravenous feeding tubes! And Joe was next to her, laughing and drinking that Caribbean Passion Jamba Juice he got when he went downtown, just standing there and looking evil. Black Ghost was behind them, Frenching…whoa, sure you wanna know…okay, he was Frenching 003 FROM THE MEGAS PROJECT!

"I told you it was going to be him, 007. Hand it over, snap to it!" 006 shrieked in her Australian voice, kicking 007. 007 kicked her right back and changed into a mouse.

"YOU! 007! GET OVER HERE!" Mika shouted evilly from outside. 007 scampered over, knowing that he was meeting his DOOM!.

"I HAVE THE KEYBLADE! MY KEYBLADE!" Mika shouted, running away from him. 007 just stood there, and out of nowhere, Sophia and Amanda appeared to stand next to him.

"This is your fault, isn't it?"

"No, Mika went crazy. Actually, she went crazy a long time ago. It was just the INCREDIBLE STRESS SHE HAS FROM ALL HER TEACHERS BECAUSE THEY THINK THEY'RE GETTING HER READY FOR HIGH SCHOOL!"

"That explains why it says that weird thing about smoked oysters in Celeste's bathroom, that it does." Zero said, frowning and started making out with Ivan.

"INTRAVENOUS COKE!" Mika screamed, then fell out of the sky and began to attack 002.

Amanda and Sophia left.

"I'm going back inside. This is going to be interesting to watch!"

-


	3. COMMERCIAL TIME! XD

NO RETURN! NO RETURN! YOU BELONG TO US! I went back to the original CIM for ideas, so some of this may be familiar to you veterans who have stuck it out. BUT IT'S WAY MORE HILARIOUS THIS TIME!

Chapter 3: Commercial Time! XD

&-&-&-

"Do I HAVE to do it?"

"Just do it. It's for the kids!"

a few minutes later…

"Look at me, I'm the **Trix Rabbit! **Of course, you stupid kids are too stupid to figure that out, so I'll just get the nukes and bomb you all so I can finally get my hands on the fruitiest cereal that ever existed!" Black Ghost said, having been reduced to wearing a white bunny suit, complete with floppy ears, footsies, and a fluffy tail.

And Mika jumped out from behind a bush. "You **IDIOT!** Trix are for kids, not stupid rabbits who fantasize about nuclear bombs! Wait, I'm a **TEENAGER!"**

"…So the main point of this commercial is don't play with nuclear bombs and eat your Trix for breakfast. Oh yeah, and don't take Enzyte with booze. Also, don't confuse jazz and Coca-Cola…you can see the result of **that** destroying our set." The Black Ghost Trix Bunny said.

&-&-&-

"EVERY DAY I HEAR THAT SOUND, I HOP OUT OF BED!" Mika began to sing, throwing swords at 002's **nose** again. But these were no ordinary swords. They were SOWRDS OF **DOOM!.**

"IT'S RICE KRISPIES CEREAL THAT'S SINGIN' IN MY HEAD!" Joe ((as in my beta)) sang, shooting random people as they passed by.

"A SONG SO IRRESISTABLE I WANNA HEAR IT ALL!" Sadie sang at the top of her lungs, flying on the magical vacuum cleaner of DOOM!. She was throwing Rice Krispies over the other two.

"JUST SPLASH A IN SOME ICE-COLD MILK AND IT BEGINS TO CALL!" Ra joined them, calling in her **law ninjas and teacups. **

"SNAP, CRACKLE, POP, THAT'S WHO WE ARE!" The four screamed, joining together and attacking…

Snap, Crackle and Pop and that weird kid from the cocoa rice krispies commercial.

&-&-&-

"WEEEEEELLLLLLLL…." 002 sang, stuck in a weird **chocolate chip cookie costume **with a banana painted on his nose"I'M A MONKEY CHIPS AHOY AND I'M ALRIGHT!"

"PACKED WITH CHOCOLATE I'M GONNA KILL MIKA!" 002 from The Megas Project ((from The Cyborg Children)) sang.

"MONKEY CHIPS AHOY I'M A CHOCOLATE JOY! MMMMMMMMMMONKEY CHIPS AHOY!" Both sang, way out of key just to piss me off. So then…

"YOU IDIOTS! IT'S **CHUNKY! CHUNKY FUCKING CHIPS AHOY!**" Mika screamed, swatting the two with her pear tree of DOOM!.

&-&-&-

_Cutscene of 004 punching Hilda, then another scene of 009 kicking 003 in the ass._

People do stupid things.

_Scene of Black Ghost, caught on film making out with 0011._

Like pay too much for wireless service.

_Scene of the ten twins fucking one another._

So switch to Vonage, the cheap wireless service.

_Last scenes of 0013 humping his robot thing and 0012 screwing her dead husband._

&-&-&-

007 walked into a bar. At the counter stood 0021, cleaning glasses. There was a **big ass wall of beers to choose from. **007 screamed.

"Whassa matter? What can I get 'cha?" 0021 demanded, crushing the glass in her palms.

007 squeaked.

"Don't you know that you can go around the world and never find a better beer than Sam Adams, the same guy who started the Boston Tea Party? I mean, duh! How cool is it to have a beer named after you, after all you did was dump a bunch of tea in a harbor?" 0021 said.

007 turned to the teleprompter. "Oh yeah, that's right!" He changes into some macho dude. "I'll have a Sam Adams beer, miss."

"Stupid. We're out."

&-&-&-

This is **Scarl. **Scarl's a happy man, ever since he took Enzyte!

Why, do you wonder, is Scarl a happy man since he took Enzyte? I'll tell you why…HE GREW NINE INCHES, MAN! So take Enzyte, the **natural** way to **male enhancement. **

"WHAT! Mika, who told you?"

&-&-&-

"NO."

"Oh well, I guess we'll just have to send you…"

"Okay!"

a few minutes later…((and a little into the song))

"This girl's made for outer space! ((002 jumping up, spinning, and smiling))

"Atomic Jetty I'm a fighting girl!

Atomic Jetty gonna rock your world!

Atomic Jetty I'm a galactic girl!

Atomic Jetty gonna save the world!

Atomic Jetty Atomic Jetty Atomic Jetty!"

"MIKA, YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THIS!"

&-&-&-

"Just dip the bottle, lick it and shake…EWWWWW!" 003 _was_ singing, until 009 whispered something **very nasty **in her ear. "It's not a baby bottle pop!"

Mika sighed from off stage. "Baby Bottle Pop, take nineteen. Please, Joe, keep your mouth shut this time. Wait a second…"

She grabbed her duct tape of DOOM! and plastered 009's mouth shut. "Alright, roll it!"

"Just dip the bottle, lick it and shake it!" 003 said. 009 was stabbing the duct tape with the stupid candy.

"Get Black Ghost."

&-&-&-

((I know you were waiting for a long time for this one…))

Fighting evil by moonlight

Winning love by daylight

Never running from a real fight,

She's the one named Sailor…

Sailor Supersonic! ((003 looking constipated, but listening for stuff))

Sailor Berty! ((004 firing a missile, then flipping the camera off))

Sailor Earth! ((005 sighing deeply))

Sailor Flame! ((006 blowing flames at what he thinks is Black Ghost, but turns out to be Gilmore…))

Sailor Morpho! ((007 changing into stuff, and once ends out as 003 with a beard))

Sailor Whirlpool! ((008 blowing Mika off))

She's the one who's gonna defend the Earth! ((scene of Tuxedo Joe, crashing into a wall))

Sailor Jet! ((002 posing with a rose background))

&-&-&-

((I know this is from a while back, but it's still a riot!))

"Hey look, mommy! It's Wise-Crackin' Sailor Jet and Tuxedo Joe!" Some random little kid in a Toys-R-Us store said.

There on the shelf were two dolls, one modeled after Sailor Jet, complete with detachable nose, and the other modeled after Tuxedo Joe.

And the poor victim of fate asked, "Mommy, can I get one?"

Could you guess what Sailor Jet cracked off…?

"Press my ball to hear an interesting sound!"

"You idiot! We're trying to **not** do that! Remember last time!" Tuxedo Joe warned. The little kid started crying as her mother dragged her away.

"But I wanted to be like Mika and torture them!" The little victim whined.

&-&-&-

"Mika, this is going **too far.**" 008 said, shaking his head. "What did we do to you?"

"Nothing, and that's the point." Mika answered happily. "Besides, just chuck the funking thing at 002's head."

"OKAY, ROLL FIBFINDER!" Sadie shouted.

008 sighed and flipped his fake black hair back and put on a really preppy voice. "Hey, 002? Do you have a crush?"

002 had been forced to wear his hair down. "No. Why the fuck…"

"Press the button on my FibFinder to find out!" 008 giggled. 009 walked in and started cracking up at the scene. 002 pressed the button with his **middle finger.** The little light came on and…

"My FibFinder says that you **DO** have a crush!" 008 exclaimed. "Who is it?"

Mika held up the dummy 002 getting **the butter knife treatment**. 002 instantly replied, "My one true love…is Ruby!"

Sapphire came charging on, punched him in the balls and took the FibFinder and chucked it at his head. 008 fell over backwards he was laughing so hard. 002 recovered and…

"THIS FUCKING THING!" He roared, stomping on it. The scene blurred in the background.

"FibFinder! It can lead you to meet the girl/boy of your dreams! Please do not hold us responsible if it sucks. We're just here to advertise the fucking piece of shit." 0021 said happily.

"THIS THING IS SHIT!"

&-&-&-

"Why do you have an odd obsession with cereal?" Black Ghost asked. Mika sighed.

"Come on, just do it." She begged. He sighed and went onto the set.

"OKAY, S'MORZ TAKE THREE!"

"Great," A kid whined, stuck at a campfire.

"Great!" Another kid who was inside exclaimed.

"Oh man," A kid that was actually 009 whined as he sat at a campfire. But he had just burnt his marshmallow.

"OH MAN!" Black Ghost cheered as another kid, but inside taking a box of cereal out from his cupboard.

"OW!" 009 screamed.

"OW!" Black Ghost shrieked. He said. "I CAN HAVE MY S'MORES…WITH WHORES!"

001 walked on and punched his black mask in. She sighed and popped her green bubble gum in his face.

"You already had your whore fillage for the next year."

"CUT! DAMMIT, WE'RE GONNA BE HERE ALL FUCKING NIGHT!"

&-&-&-

"Get Lucky!" 003 shouted, wearing a **little tiny skirt** with Black Ghost trying to look up it, while 009 ran next to them and watch 003 bounce up and down.

"Oh no!" 002/Lucky said in fake horror. "They're after me Lucky Charms! But I wonder: can they name ALL the pieces?"

"Hearts, stars and horseshoes!" 009 began. 002 counted off on his fingers and ended by flipping 009 off.

"Clovers and blue moons!" Black Ghost continued.

"Pots with golden rainbows and the red balloons!" 003 finished.

"Damn! You're not supposed to know that! Now I have to give you my cereal! No, I'll just fly away with them!" 002 responded, then flew away.

"Now what?"

&-&-&-&-


	4. Cyborg Emerald!

IT'S HERE! After the long wait, it's time! I LOVE SORA FROM KINGDOM HEARTS! YAAAAAYYYY!

I don't own Cyborg 009 or Poke'mon. I also do not own Fruits Basket, Kingdom Hearts, Gundam Wing, or Yu-Gi-Oh! I want them, though…

-&-&-&-

Coke Induced Madness Squared

Cyborg Emerald

-&-&-&-&-

"REMIND ME why the hell we're doing this, Mika." 002 demanded, sitting in Mika's living room. Mika had her hands glued to her GBA and was playing…actually; no one had any idea what the fuck she was playing.

"Because! Because! We're about to do something completely random!" Mika said. 002 got a very bad feeling about this. But then again, when all the cyborgs, Duo, Haru, Bakura, and Sora were present, it was bound to be something that insanity would cower in fear at.

"W'RE PLAYING POKE'MON EMERALD VERSION!" Mika said, throwing the GBA at 002's nose. "Time to decide roles!"

Haru shook his head. "Where's Anzu when you need her?"

Anzu, as it turned out, was hoarding the computer. Hell, Mika was always on the damn thing!

"**I **will be playing the main character!" Mika said. "And you, 002, will be playing that annoying bastard Brendan! I can kick your ass more often that way!"

004 laughed at him.

"Don't get cocky!" Mika said. "004, you get to be Archie, leader of Team Aqua! I CAN KICK YER ASS JUST AS OFTEN! Well, not really. I get to fight you once!"

"I get the feeling we're going to get good roles," Duo said, combing his hair.

"BLACK GHOST!" Mika exclaimed, drinking a large glass of Coke. "You will be Maxie, the leader of Team Magma!"

"003! You will be Roxanne, leader of the Rostboro City Gym!" Mika said.

"But I want to be someone else! Like Flannery, or even Winona!" 003 complained.

"HAVE YOU HONED YOUR FIRE SKILLS NEAR AN ACTIVE VOLCANO?"

"No."

"DO YOU FLY WITH YOUR BIRD POKE'MON DAILY?"

"What?"

"CAN YOU KICK MINJAE'S ASS SINCE SHE TRAINS GRASS POKE'MON?" ((a/n: Minjae is from Playing With a Full Deck and my name on Emerald))

"Who's Minjae?"

"You can't be either." Mika concluded. "008, you will play Juan, leader of the Sootopolis City Gym."

008 smiled. "YES! The most powerful of all the leaders!"

"You also have to be a pretty-boy. And dual-play Wallace." Mika said. "006, **you **will be Flannery, Leader of the Lavaridge City Gym."

"Why am I a girl…?" 006 asked.

"001 and…hmmm. Who should he be stuck with…?" Mika asked herself. "OH! I KNOW! You're stuck with 0021! You two will be the leaders of the Mossdeep City Gym!"

(Why **me**?)

"Okay…Haru, you will be Brawly, leader of the Dewford Town Gym."

"But he's a crappy surfer…"

"Ra?" Mika said. The other crazed authoress appeared in the living room. "You will be dual-playing Glacia of the Elite Four and Winona, leader of the Fortree City Gym."

"YES! I CAN KICK YOUR ASS, EVERYONE!"

"Duo, my sexy God of Death, you will also be dual playing. You will be my daddy Norman, leader of the Petalburg City Gym, and Drake of the Elite Four."

"I'M YOUR **_DAD_**?"

The rest of my glomped ones all laughed at him.

"007…your DOOM is here for you!" Mika said. "You will play Wattson, leader of Mauville City Gym **and **Sidney of the Elite Four! Sorry, but you have to have a mohawk and look fat."

"005, you will be…um…Professor Birch! The annoying dude who calls me on my Poke'Nav!"

"…"

"**009! **You will be playing the role of Steven, that dude who is an awesome plot device!"

"Not bad…"

"And you, Sora…will be…PHOEBE OF THE ELITE FOUR!"

-&-&-&-

Mika jumped out of the truck and into Littleroot Town. "WHAT A FUCKING DUMP!"

"Now, now, Mika. YOU HAVE TO LIKE HOENN! IT'S YOUR DESTINY!" Anzu shouted at Mika…her **daughter**!

"Besides," 002 said, shouting from his room next door, "I'M GONNA KICK YER ASS, MIKA!"

"NO YOU FUCKING WILL NOT!"

"YES I WILL!"

"002! SHUT THE HELL UP! YOU'RE INTERUPTTING MY MONOLOGUE!" Anzu shouted, pulling out her bazooka and shooting him. "Now then, onii-kun, go set your fucking clock. Heaven help that you be off time."

So Mika promptly ran off into the grass where wild Poke'mon were! Heaven forbid! As soon as she got there, she saw a man being attacked…actually, he was talking to the Poke'mon.

"OH-kay. You don't see **that **every day." Mika said, swiping the ball containing Mudkip. "Later, Professor Five!"

005/Birch looked up from his conversation to see Mika strolling through the wild grass, whipping all Poke'mon into utter death that dared challenge her.

Once the death machine reached Oldale Town, she found the Poke'Center and got her Poke'mon healed by Kairi from KH. She wheeled out and collected her free bottle of Potion from the weird woman, then set out to kick more butt.

However, as she was about to knock down the trees, she saw none other than…JETDAN!

"I'M ABOUT TO KICK YOUR ASS FOR THE FIRST TIME, MIKA!" Jetdan shouted.

"What do you mean? You look like 002 who had a freaking dyeing incident…" Mika said, then shrugged. "Oh well! MUD-KUN! DO YOUR THING!"

So the Mudkip, deemed Mud-kun by Mika, came out and proceeded to whip Jetdan's Treeko's ass. Jetdan screamed in fury and ran back to Littleroot.

"PHWAR! I told him that I was gonna dominate, but of course, Jetdan will be Jetdan. ON TO PETALBURG CITY AND DUO!" Mika shouted to no one in particular.

-&-&-&-

So Mika reached Petalburg City in about fifteen minutes. She…well…it would be best if we didn't tell you…

In any case, Mika was now in the Petalburg City Poke'Center. Of course, just to screw with Mika's mind, Kairi was in **this **place too!

"WHAT? Weren't you back in Oldale?" Mika demanded. Kairi nodded.

"I have about ten million cousins who also live in Kanto, Johto, the Sevii Islands, and even the Orange Islands!" Kairi said happily. Mika blinked, then headed out to visit her daddy.

"DADDY! I'M HERE!" Mika sang into Duo's gym. Duo was hiding behind a statue in the gym…until…

"Um…excuse me…I NEED A FUCKING POKE'MON!" Wally shouted, bursting in through the wall. Mika jumped backwards into Duo, who then screamed.

"Oh…okay. Mika, go with him so he can catch the rarest thing possible without even trying. You're welcome!" Duo said, handing Wally a ball. Wally promptly bit it, then dragged Mika by one of her braids out into the field by Petalburg.

"GO DAMN YOU, YOU INSOLENT DOG!" Mika screamed at Wally. He had just captured the kick-ass Poke'mon Ralts AND THEY'RE HARDER THAN HELL TO FIND!

So Mika kicked him back into her dad's gym and left for the Petalburg Woods.

-&-&-&-&-


	5. Exploding Flower Shops

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Welcome back to Cyborg Emerald, a portion of Coke Induced Madness! Mika and Sadie…we own ourselves!…we don't own Poke'mon, Cyborg 009, Kingdom Hearts, Gundam Wing, Fruits Basket or Yu-Gi-Oh!

FYI: Just try and figure out who the hell the random flower shop owners and what story they're from XD! Butchering names is so much fun…

-&-&-&-

Coke Induced Madness Squared

Cyborg Emerald: Exploding Flower Shops

-&-&-&-&-

"Oh, I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts…" Mika sang, strolling through the Petalburg Woods. "OY! PACKMULE! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?"

Jetdan, staggering under the weight of Mika's computer, printer, bed, backpack, and locker, screamed at her. Mika roared with laughter and continued on her merry way through the woods.

Just as they were about to go around the final bend, Mika saw a guy running away from…something. Jetdan took this as his cue and dropped all the shit; then Jetdan made a run for it.

"Hey, dude, what the hell's the matter?" Mika asked as the guy fell over. He handed her a package.

"Take it and don't let them have it!" The guy said. Mika took it and walked around the bend, and nearly fell over at what she saw.

There stood **Arbert**, dressed in tight black leather pants, no shirt, a blue trenchcoat, and a blue bandana with Team Aqua's symbol on it. Oh yeah, and he wore black leather gloves and black boots. To top it all off…he had…a moustache. There was a group of fangirls swarming around him.

"ALBERT, YOU IDIOT!" Mika shouted, chucking the nearest corpse at Arbert's head. He began to wail and a fangirl war broke out over who go to kiss the boo-boo. "YOU HAVE UNTIL SLATEPORT UNTIL YOUR MAKE YOUR ENTRY! IDIOT!"

And the crazy, now fourteen-year-old authoress kicked Arbert and his swarm of fangirls off to some distant location. She made a peace sign.

"Don't try this at home, kids, or anywhere else but your fandom for that matter!" Mika said to no one in particular. "Shizuka niiiiiiiiii..."

-&-&-&-

As Mika exited the Petalburg Woods, she saw…a flower shop! From this flower shop was perhaps the loudest Mika had ever heard Genesis of Next being played! Being one of the millions of people loving Genesis of Next, she jumped over to the flower shop and entered.

"OY! YOU! OUTTA MY FLOWER SHOP!" A female person roared over the most awesome song on the planet. As Mika walked in further, she was shocked to see her first characters that she took from her other stories and threw them into a Cyborg 009 story…

"_**Mika**?_ WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Spinel demanded, jumping onto Mika. "When do you plan on getting back to _OUR _story?"

"WHOA! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" Topaz shouted, tackling the authoress. "Well, you'd best get outta here before Sapphire blows a gasket. Here, taking this watering can and run for your life!"

Mika seized the Wailmer Pail that was ever-so-important to watering berry plants and began to sprint away right as the Tatsumaki Remix of Genesis of Next started.

"_**MIKA! YOUR DAY OF RECKONING HAS COME!**_" Sapphire shouted moments later as Mika dashed away. The flower shop exploded and an indigo-haired girl sprang out of it; ready to pound Mika into a pulp when she caught up. Fortunately, Mika had brought her pogo stick along and hopped into Rostboro City.

"God, that was close…" Mika said, shaking her head. "I'LL UPDATE WHENEVER THE HELL I FEEL LIKE IT, BITCH!"

More random explosions occurred as Mika entered the Poke'Center. Once inside, Mika broke into a laughing fit as she handed Kairi3 her two Poke'Balls. Wait…since when did she have two? Oh well. All the better to kick ass with!

-&-&-&-

As the glass doors of the Rostboro City Gym slid open, Mika heard screaming. She ventured further in only to hear…

"JOE! DO IT **MORE**!" **Roxcoise** ((I know, it was this or Frananne…)) screamed. For there, on the leader's podium lay the leader and none other than **Joven** ((I am ashamed…)).

"JOE! YOU FRIGGIN' IDIOT!" Mika shouted, grabbing Joven from his French-kissing ((quite literally)) position and chucked him through the wall. "AND DON'T COME IN UNTIL YOUR CUE NEXT TIME!"

"With that being done," Mika said, turning to the blonde-haired French…person, "Ready to kick the crap outta one another?"

"Poke'mon or not?" Roxcoise answered.

"Doesn't matter."

-&-&-&-

So an hour later and several bottles of Coke gone through, both girls had successfully beat one another within a centimeter of the other's life. When suddenly, as Mika was getting to her feet, she heard a familiar war cry…no, not even from this parody…or this **SERIES**, for crying out fricking loud…

"FEAR NOT, DAMSEL! SAILOR JET WILL RESCUE YOU…As soon as he finishes his henshin!" The familiar voice of **Sailor Jet** whined. "MAHOU SHONEN SENSHI JET! HENSHIN!" ((or, for us un-Japanese-people, Magical boy Sailor Jet! Transform!))

Seconds later, the window had been busted inward, and now a large dose of pink hearts were floating around as Sailor Jet tripped over the glass and plummeted face-first onto the ground.

"Deep in the night," Mika began singing, standing up at long last. Sailor Jet also found his way from the glass/pink sugar heart pile and stood up.

"No, no, no, don't start…" Sailor Jet pleaded. "I'll even let you do FibFinder again! Anything but this!"

"Really?" Mika asked, stopping. Sailor Jet instantly hated himself for saying this. "OY, SAPPHIRE! STAR-KITTY!"

Sapphire appeared, holding a FibFinder. SK, who is visiting from her own fandom, stood next to Mika with a batch of **Black Ghost's cookies**.

"PRESS THE BUTTON, JERKWAD!" Sapphire shouted. Sailor Jet edged toward the button, pressed it, and…

"YOU BASTARD! WE STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN OVER THIS 'TIRZAH' PERSON, HAVE WE?" Sapphire screamed, and proceeded to beat Sailor Jet into a terminal coma. Mika and SK high-fived one another, then returned to their designated stories.

-&-&-&-

"Let's see…saved the Wingull for Mr. Birney, can't go through the tunnel…so I have to go back through the woods!" Mika decided, sitting and playing with her new Poke'Nav. "OH SWEET! THIS THING PLAYS MP3S!"

So Mika set off at a run through the Petalburg Woods, toward the ferry that would take her to see her beloved Haru. From the little device she'd gotten in trade for the package in the woods, Obsession way playing at top volume. It would be like her music teacher BURPING into his megaphone, except much more awesome. Yes, her music teacher has a megaphone for when they march.

Once through the woods, Mika burst into a little hut. Inside was a bearded dude with a Wingull chasing him. Yes, it was indeed very sad.

"Ahoy, Mika! Ready for me to take you to Dewford Town?" Mr. Birney asked the crazed teenager. She bounced her head. "Peeko, let's go! It's gonna be forty days an' forty nights 'till we see land again!"

And suddenly, Sadie appeared! Mika handed her a Coke and smiled. Mr. Birney was too busy stockpiling his crap into his boat to notice the two.

"I thought you came down with the flu." Mika said to her bestest friend ever. The other, equally crazed authoress nodded.

"Oh yes, I did. But remember Andrew?" Sadie asked. They sat down at the table as Mr. Birney began to throw bombs at people passing by. "Yes. He was taking me to his house…and I kinda jumped off the bike and teleported here! Yay!"

"Why here?" Mika asked. "JETDAN! I KICKED YOUR ASS, SO YOU HAVE TO SERVE ME! GET 'CHER ASS IN HERE!"

Jetdan, still in his Sailor Jet costume (though it was now reduced to shreds from Sapphire's pummeling), staggered in the door.

"INTRUDER! INTRUDER! PEEKO! WHIRLWIND!" Mr. Birney screamed as he saw Sailor Jet/Jetdan. Jetdan began to scream as the little Wingull blew him all the way across the ocean to Dewford.

"Hey Sadie, know what this is like?" Mika asked, jumping onto the boat and starting it up. "BYE, ASSHOLE!"

"BYE, MIKA!" Mr. Birney called. "Ahoy, Peeko! We're setting out next century!"

Sadie was out after Mika. "That other time when you came down with that cold and we wrote that weirdo chapter! YEAH!"

As the sick authoress coughed and Mika started the boat, a song came pouring out of a set of speakers. So **that's** how they get the background music to change! But it wasn't background music, instead it was…

"Bakura has got it goin' on…009 has got it goin' on…Haru-kun has got it goin' on…Duo-chan has got it goin' on…"

A CONTRABAND RECORDING! So of course, the two authoresses _had _to turn it up to max volume and belt the words out as loud as fucking possible. Which, by their standards, would destroy any normal human's eardrums.

"Heero, can I come over after school? (after school)  
We can hang around by the pool (hang by the pool)  
Did Duo get back from his business trip? (business trip)  
Is he there, or is he trying to give me the slip? (give me the slip)" Both girls and the stereo sang as they drew closer to Dewford. But Dewford was ready for the psychos to land.

"You know we're not the little girls that we used to be!  
We're all grown up now, bishies can't you see?" Mika and Sadie sang, along with their recorded voices.

**Meanwhile, in Dewford Town…**

"Master **Baru**! We've finished the shelter!" Random person number one called. The white-headed person they were calling to was listening to the song…and singing along to it.

"They're getting close. They'll be here next chapter."

-&-&-&-&-


	6. OU EST WALDO!

Hint: Waldo is a noun…though what type, you must figure out…

-&-&-&-

Coke Induced Madness Squared

Cyborg Emerald 3: OU EST WALDO!

-&-&-&-&-

As the hijacked ship neared Dewford Town, Sadie was sound asleep and Mika was blasting the New Step Mix of Let Me Be With You from the speakers. The island came into view and Mika walked over to get her friend up.

But as she reached a hand out to wake Sadie up, the reached the island. **Baru **stood out on the dock, waiting for the lunatics to arrive.

"HARU! HARU!" Mika shouted, barreling off the ferry with Sadie in her arms. "HEAL HER OR I'LL **KILL** YOU **AND** YUKI!"

Baru looked to the sick girl in her arms. "…So, my life on the line?" He took Sadie. "Uh, sure. Why not?"

Mika smiled happily and turned off the music. "Good. Now, I'll be off finding Joe and getting some worthless crap from him. See you once I'm back from the cave!"

With that, the authoress happily set off at a run. Baru turned to random person one and handed him Sadie.

"What do we do with her?" RP1 asked Baru. Baru walked past him, into the Dewford Gym. "Hello? Master Baru?"

"Take care of her, unless you want me to sic Mika on you."

-&-&-&-

_Ugh…What the hell happened? I remember Andrew dragging me out of my room, transporting to Hoenn…then nothing much. _Sadie rolled over to find Joven sitting next to her, laughing with Duo and Baru.

"Oh, you're awake now. Feel any better?" Duo asked. Sadie nodded.

"So why are all of you here?" Sadie asked in turn. Joven laughed.

"To piss Mika off. I'm supposed to be in that Godforsaken cave right now, but being here may drive her even further down the road of insanity." Joven answered.

"I see. When did you get here?" Sadie asked. "More like when did **I **get here?"

"Mika brought you here." Baru replied. "Where is she right now?…"

A **magical little bubble thingy** (like the one Mirllyne has in Riprendere, chapter five!) popped up. Inside was an image of Mika, singing as she walked through the dark tunnel. And suprisingly, her voice was not half bad. Instead, her Japanese singing voice was a lot prettier than when she sang in English.

"I'm gonna leave now." Joven said, "Will you be alright?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I might go back." Sadie said.

-&-&-&-

When Joe reached the cave, something totally random had occurred. This was not normal random, or even random random, but…Genesis of Next, full version, being sung along to…

"Without being able to forget your first half smile  
in a long time,  
the genesis of next begins  
I can't get you out of my mind  
You're standing alone Please tell me why...  
But there's no easy answer…" Someone was singing along! ENGLISH! HOLY SHIT, MAN! GENESIS OF NEXT IN ENGLISH!

"MIKA! IS THAT YOU?" Joven shouted. The music stopped instantly.

"**OU EST WALDO?**" Mika screamed back. Seconds later, she pelted out of the cave and tackled Joe. "Ou est Waldo…Waldo…pauvre Mika…Waldo, ou est toi?"

"Mika?" Joven asked uncertainly. She looked up to see him.

"WHERE THE FUCK IS WALDO!" Mika wailed, clinging to him. Somehow, Joven got the horrid thought that they were going to have to look for Waldo now.

"What does Waldo look like?" Joven began. He and Mika started the walk back to the central part of Dewford.

"Well…he's short…he's skinny, but he has a lot of hair…" Mika said, sniffling. They walked into the Poke'mon center to see Sadie dancing around. "SADIE! LET'S GO FIND WALDO! COME ON, GUYS!"

-&-&-&-

"Is _that _him?" Baru demanded, getting tired of searching for this worthless bastard Waldo. "Look Mika, how about I give you the badge, then you can go look for Waldo without me."

He handed her the badge and pulled his magical **sealing wand **out and flew away on it. Mika watched him fly away, then began to wail once more.

"Okay, fine. Here's Waldo." Bakura said sheepishly. He handed her a little pot with something in it. Sadie took it from him right before Mika threw her arms around the bishie and thanked him.

"BAKU-SAN! HOW CAN I **EVER** REPAY YOU?" Mika squealed. "YOU FOUND MY DEAR **WALDO-KUN**!"

"What the shit is Waldo, anyway?" Joven asked. He peeked over Sadie's arms to see…

-&-&-&-

Meanwhile, in Slateport City… 

"So, **Ghostie**, have we a deal?" The random Team Aqua worker asked. The head of Team Magma was currently negotiating with Team Aqua…but Arbert was nowhere to be found. Ghostie, the leader of **Team Magma**, was there instead.

"Sure. I trust…" Ghostie began.

"Yup. **Cookie dough** and all." The random person said. Arbert burst through the door, laughing. He had on the leather stuff again.

"You know, you're gonna get killed by Mika when she gets here," Ghostie said. "Didn't you read your part? Nowhere did it say that 'Archie' was a pimp."

"Don't you know how to ad-lib?" Arbert demanded, flexing for his swarm of fangirls. They fainted in unison. "Besides, she'll love the change."

"WHAT AM I GOING TO LOVE?" Mika demanded, kicking down the door. "And what the fucking hell are you doing in a Strawberry Shortcake-esque **kitchen**?"

In her arms was Waldo. Though, to the two leaders, he looked like an ordinary…thing draped in a little plastic canvas.

"We can explain!" Ghostie said urgently. This was not part of Mika's script…he was **so **toast, as was Arbert.

"GET EXPLAINING!" Sadie shouted, decked out in full 0021 uniform. "And WHO THE HELL KILLED ALL THE FANGIRLS? WHAT'S WRONG WITH BEING A **FANGIRL**? CLAIRE, WE HAVE **WORK **TO DO!"

Suddenly, from nowhere at all, a blonde girl fell from mid-air. She had one pink and one orange eye. She wore a black tank top with a silver music note on it, a silver circle chain belt, and a full black skirt. Her shoes were silver sneakers, and in her hand was clenched a brown suitcase.

"NO! MMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMYYYYYYY! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" The two evil dudes shouted in complete unison. Claire charged at them, swinging the suitcase. Mika unveiled Waldo.

"WALDO'S A BONSAI TREE? WHAT THE FUCK?"

-&-&-&-&-


	7. Your Mom

Dear Sara, this is for you and your mom :D.

And to everyone else, I do not own mothers, nor Cyborg 009, and I think Cyborg Emerald may be getting discontinued. Maybe.

-&-&-&-

Coke Induced Madness

Chapter x to the y: Your Mom

-&-&-&-&-

"You don't write much of this story any more, do you?" Jet asked one day. The figure he was addressing rolled over and stared at him through her now red-streaked brown hair.

"Your MOM doesn't do much these days." She replied, grabbing the coke next to her and taking a big gulp. "Anyway, why do you care? You must be happy about it."

Jet sighed, grabbing another one from the small fridge. "You're sick, too, and you're drinking coke?"

"Damn straight, bitch." She answered, rolling back onto her back and continued glaring at the ceiling.

"So…what are you doing right now?"

"Your mom."

He rolled his eyes. "And what got you stuck on this fetish with my mother?"

"Your mom."

"Talking about my mother again, Mika?" Sadie asked, entering carrying a box of Cheez-its. Mika nodded happily and swiped the box.

"They taste good." Mika declared, jabbing a finger in Jet's direction. "Like his mom."

"Thank…WHAT?" Jet exclaimed, flushing and watching the two girls laugh their asses off at this. He sighed, and then remembered he was dealing with Sadie and Mika. Albert walked in and sat down.

"Careful, you might catch the stupid." Jet warned. Mika threw the empty can and his head.

"From you, that is." She retorted, eating another fistful of crackers.

Albert shrugged. "You haven't written much lately. Did you finally get bored?"

"I got bored with your mom." Mika said. "No, I didn't get bored. I'm just working on getting through fucking sophomore year. You know how hard it is?"

"Almost as hard as your mom!" Sadie giggled. "But yeah, gotta agree with her. Getting a daily F in Zepeda's class isn't all too hard."

"Just like your mom got her daily F last NIGHT." Albert said, grinning. He received high-fives from the nutcases and a slight scowl from Jet.

"Why'd you have to side with them?" He pouted. Albert shrugged.

"It's too much fun to see you try and do things yourself." Albert replied, accepting a coke from Sadie.

"Agreed!" Mika declared, sitting up and pulling hair out of her face. "So…when do we think Ra will update?"

"On June ninth – you know, 69?" Sadie answered, earning a round of giggles. Albert looked away stonily.

"More buttercream wangs – fantastic. Hey Jet, did you save the paper bags?" He asked, a look of permanent disgust creeping over his face. This launched Mika and Sadie into a fit of laughter.

"You…you…WANG! OF **BUTTERCREAM**!" Mika managed between peals of laughter, crying with delight. She fell off the couch from laughing so hard. "And…paper…BAGS!"

Albert and Jet watched this continue for another ten minutes. Each of the two girls took turns saying it, which got them both going on how damn hilarious it was.

"So Jet, done anything good lately?" Albert decided to ask.

"YOUR MOTHER!" Mika screamed before Jet could even open his mouth. And the laughter returned.

-&-&-&-

Later on, the laughter had finally stopped. Jet and Albert had long since left, and now Mika was just snoozing on the couch. As Joe walked in to steal some coke, he looked at the female embodiment of the devil. She even had red hair. Next thing he'd know, she'd grow a tail and carry a pitchfork. Oh well, at least it wasn't far off, and it wasn't like he didn't know it was coming.

"Hey Mika…" He said, prodding the sleeping form. "MIKA!" No reply. He pulled out the bullhorn Francoise had given him for such occasions.

"WHAT THE SHIT, YO!" Mika screamed, seizing the bullhorn and screeching it. Joe winced at the sound.

"Do you mind if I take a coke?" He asked. She looked up at him from where she was on the couch.

"Do you mind if I take your mom?" Mika asked in return, braiding her hair now.

"Ummm…hey! What is…oh wait, they warned me that you were doing this." Joe said, reaching over into the fridge and helping himself.

"Doing your mom? Yes, indeed I am. Sixty-nine times, too." Mika said, beaming at Joe.

"Why is this a chapter?"

"I felt like it."

"I feel like your mom, but I can't do her."

"Touche, bitch."

"I get the coke?"

"If I get your mom."

Seriously, she was never going to grow up.

-&-&-&-&-

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. THAT WAS FUN.

You should review, because that was an utterly insane blast from your mother! Any new ideas should be sent to me immediately so I can update in under a year this time! Hearts!


End file.
